Facts over Fantasy

HER CORE.....

She is barely in her thirties but she is full of wisdom and humility,Qualities commonly mistaken for naivety or weakness. This could not be further from the truth,Rosa is as strong as they come and naivety is not a word that one can use to describe her without bearing false witness to her character. I nervously ring her door bell and wait,it is a short wait as she answers her door almost immediately. 

Her house is warm and Cosy, I can't help but wish it was mine. Simple yet elegant in every manner." You have a beautiful home Rosa." I compliment her as I look around some more. "Thank you dear,you know you and I have similar taste when it comes home decor." She says ushering me to the dinning area. I move from my seat and head to the dinning room. "Let us have lunch first before we can have some girl time" she says before excusing herself to get her sons. She is a mother of two boys(twins) she absolutely  adores those boys and bends as far as necessary for them. I admire that about her. Her kids are her greatest motivation to achieve better than expected of her. 

The boys are very well mannered and they greet me with such big smile  I can't help but smile back. Rosa is my childhood friend and our friendship never dies despite of the many times we are separated by work,family commitments or just unexplainable circumstances. We have only re  recently reconnected online and she invited me to house. "The food is delicious" I compliment her as I savour it."mummy is the best cook!she makes all my favorite food.I miss it when I go to sleep overs" one of the twins quickly responded. Small talk with the kids over lunch adds to the cheer of good food. We clear the table with the help of the kids and as we do the dishes, one of the boys says to me" auntie we are going to take a bath then a nap please don't go before we wake up to watch cartoon so we can show you our favorite one." I don't promise that I will be there when they wake up but the idea that I may still be around persuades them to go ahead and follow their program.

We settle down in the living room once Rosa ensures the boys have gone to take their nap.we start to chat away as we have plenty to catch up on. Somewhere in the midst of our conversation she asks me " my dear do want to get married?" Surprised by the twist our conversation was taking, I answer her with a curious look. " yes,I believe I do." Rosa smiles and poses another question to me, "to whom?" My confusion deepens but I keep up with my responses " To the man God has willed for me,which I pray is the man I am in a relationship with." Rosa pauses and stares at me for a full minute without uttering a word. Then she smiles and says to me. " l will ask you some more questions but don't answer me.. Answer yourself. In fact I want to tell you something not so you can respond to me but just push you to some hard truths so you know exactly where you are headed." I smile at her and nod as a sign  for her to proceed. By now curiosity had taken the best of me.

"You want to get married,actually there is a man you are hoping will marry you. Do you know for a fact that he wants to marry you? Do you know if he wants to get married at all? Sometimes we kid ourselves that the signs are all over the wall. Signs are definitely there but you have to know which wall you are looking at. So he has introduced you to his boys....in fact you really like them cos they treat you so good. If that's the case then you are the biggest fool!! If we're paying attention at all you would have noticed that during those party nights some of his boys came with a different girl from the one you had seen last time and all the other boys are so nice to her. That is bro code my dear. They treat the side chicks just as well as the main chic in some cases even better. This men are not your friends!they are not your dad! They are hyenas! When they smile at you,sometimes they are laughing at you and how you are easily fooled. Stick to your friends. Your own pack of wolves!refuse to expose yourself  to his boys by hanging out with them. Has he proposed? Do you have a ring? How many gifts has he bought you in one year,no matter how small or cheap? Has he deliberately spent time with you outside his or your house and actually made you feel like you were on vacation even if you were just sitting in a park? Has he supported your dreams by encouraging you or even pushing you to pursue  them when your hope is lost? Does he know your favorite scent? Does he know you are sad by the silence you keep even without seeing you? Does he have fun conversations with other females but not you? You know men,well majority of them don't know how to be intentional in their relationships. They forget that after you have accepted them,you are still the same girl with needs,they will call you boring or say that you don't really get them because they don't bother to keep the fire of friendship alive in their relationship. They find other girls fun and easy going. What they forget is that other guys who spend time with you have a similar opinion of you, they think you are fun and easy to talk to. I am no relationship expert but if  you find that answering yourself those questions is hard...then darling he is not going to marry you....if he does it will take him sometime..5years maybe. I have nothing against marriage but I vowed I will not allow someone waste my time if they cannot be passionate about loving me,being my friend and passionate about my boys .business gets boring,jobs get monotonous, generally everything can slow down but I will not settle for a relationship without passion! I will not settle for a man who is not intentional in actions to keep our fire burning. Everything that is given attention,time and effort is very appealing and exciting. Do you understand me? I am very sorry for taking so much time talking about something you obviously know about. I have just learnt that for a woman,this particular aspect of her life fuels every other aspect. It is the core of it all. It needs to burn with a strong flame so she can shine everywhere else.... Men envy a man with a woman who is undoubtedly happy but they fool each other with fake admiration for men who have side chicks....misery loves company dear. For as long as they can console themselves that all men are all the same then they are ok. My dear,men may have have a way to cope without fueling the core of it all but hardly does a woman succeed in much if she does not have her core in order... Things keep falling apart in different parts of her life. Do justice to your core.. Most importantly is to have God as your foundation. He showed love by giving His only son to save mankind....is that passion?...there is nothing mediocre in how God expressed His love for mankind who told you is ok to be mediocre in how express your love? Who told you it is ok to accept mediocre love?"

By the time Rosa was done talking my mind was buried deep in my thoughts. I was trying to ask myself those questions and weigh if her words had any truth in them. Is it true that if a woman has her love life on a constant fire that intentional from both parties then all other other aspects of her life are a success? If she is not interested in a relationship,if she keeps her fire burning by passionately loving herself and being her own cheerleader,do all other aspects of her life fall into place with ease in comparison to women who luck fire at the core?  My thoughts are interrupted by Rosa when she hands me a cup of tea. "How is business? What are you dealing in this days?" She asks as she pours herself a cup of tea..