Ugly

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you can help them become what they are capable of being.” —Goethe

I can't seem to decide what colour to wear to this meeting. I am looking to start a business that requires some heavy investment. I was introduced to an investor a few weeks back and he called me last night to invite me to lunch today as we discuss this venture. I am anxious and I feel like my tummy is in knots. I settle for blue and head for the office. I am barely settled in when one of my colleagues walks into my office and starts to pace. He stops and looks at me then asks me"aje sasa? mtu ananifanyia ivo aje sasa? anajua mimi naeza mlipa mshahara na haitaniaffect? "(how now? how can someone do that to me? Does this person know I can pay their salary and still remain unaffected? )

I ask him to take a seat and explain what the problem is. He quickly sums up what the problem is by telling that a younger colleague had taken his slot taking a client through a project site and had ended up 'messing' his reputation so the client opted to conduct future business with the assistance of that younger guy. I calm him down and tell him I will sort it out, he smiles and leaves my office.  I go about my business and soon it is lunch time,time for my meeting.

I am ten minutes early, I find that my investor got there earlier than me and was actually halfway his drink. I found myself hoping he was really thirsty and had swallowed his juice fast. 'You look lovely!! welcome' He said as he pulled out a seat for me. Business talk went well and we got into an agreement that pleased both parties. My investor let's call him Fred,asked me ' do you know where resentment and unfilfillment comes from?" I told him it could be from different things for different people. He smiled and told said " Let me let you in a small secret which many people have access to but don't bother with it. The biggest undoing for many is an ugly feeling of entitlement." I told Fred he has to do better than that to convince me.He picks a pen and opens his notebook scribbles as he talks,he says

"Do you know why mother in laws fight with their son's wives? or rather collide? The mother feels she gave birth and raised him and so she is entitled to have a say so or have a stake in her son's life. It always ends up with the man playing referee between this two women. sometimes it is vice versa. Another scene is office environment where the older employees feel entitled to the respect of younger ones, they also feel entitled to senior positions in the company.When this fails to happen there is tension and employees with generally bad attitudes. Have you seen a very beautiful woman or a very handsome young man who is unmarried and can't seem to sustain a relationship? The main reason for this is that they think they are too beautiful/handsome and they are actually doing the other person a favour by being with them. They are an entitled lot my dear and sadly they are very unhappy even with such a fine gift from nature. Sadly they are not the only ones, married or people in a committed relationship suffer from this too. The feeling of I provide for her,I married her, I protect her then she must be submissive and loyal to me. I cook,clean,bear children, take care of him so he must be faithful,give me time and money.. lastly the case of wealthy people who treat their employees,friends and associates badly because they have an air of entitlement..I am paying for it so you best do it for me,I am richer than you so you best recognise and boot-lick me.. I am wealthy so I deserve that woman you are with more than you do...truth is nobody gets paid for being served"

All this time I am listening keenly and nodding at the truth in his statement. He explains to me how as investor,husband,son and friend he conquered that entitlement feeling and how he has been successful without it. "My dear, entitlement is sadly human nature but throwing your entitlement around is foolish and yields poor results. I look at entitlement as pettiness. A petty person has a petty mind and will always handle petty money and matters. I do things for my wife and kids without expectation,I do for them with love,I do it with a big smile,I forgive and keep my heart big for them ,I pray big things upon them and I praise them big and for that let's just say I handle good grades from my kids, a big smile on my wife and we  have big blessings. I have friends who are not doing as well as I am financially but when we are hanging out I don't try to stand out. I talk to them with respect and I don't go flaunting my money. we discuss business, life, friendship without me expecting to be treated a certain way, the respect among us and the loyalty comes easily. With my associates and people I invest in I have a critical eye on the business aspect,I push them and listen to their views am not interested in being worshipped because I invested. I expect good results and that can't happen If I am not a team player. I could go on and on about the feeling of entitlement if we had the time but we don't so I will sum it up by telling you don't abuse the love you have because of that ugly feeling,don't fail in business because you feel people owe you and don't walk all over your colleagues at the work place because you feel like a god they should worship.

Now, the good news. While we are owed nothing, it is perfectly fine to pursue what we want (within reason and emotional health). like, we aren't owed our spouse's or parents' love, but it is fine to want it. We aren't owed a high-paying job because we may have a degree or a special talent, but it is okay to want a high-paying job and try to find one. We aren't owed a thank you for anything we do, but it is okay to want one and hope to get one.Instead work for those things, give it your best. Do it with a big heart and a big positive attitude. You will attract what you want.Entitlement is a self-serving, one-way street attitude that creates bitterness and resentment in the people who feel entitled and in the people around them who don't like being treated that way.No one is entitled to anything in this life and we are being very unfair to ourselves and others when we forget this very premise.''

Fred and I part ways at the restaurant. I achieved more than I anticipated blue is definitely in the run of being my lucky colour. Resolving the case brought to me earlier on is going to be very easy. I get into the lift wearing a big smile somewhere on 5th floor the lights in the lift go off the lift shake like there is vicious turbulence then it stops! I feel my dress cling on me warmly then it gets cold very fast! someone had spilled their coffee on me! I was stuck in lift full of claustrophobic people! The devil needed a hysterical laugh I am sure. Blue is determinately no longer in the running