Bigger than You.

Last night I had trouble sleeping and when I woke up today my day did not start so well. I got to the office and my day continues to go south as the hours slowly go by. I wish could call someone and just vent and hear an assuring voice at the end of my rant say.." you will be just fine. I am here for you'' in the midst of searching for some sanity a text comes in "SHE IS GONE'' I am using a new phone and hence all my contacts are not showing so I rack my brain for the identity of the sender but I came up with nothing. I even try true caller nothing! My heart begins to race as my head is flooded with names of all the people that could be gone. My heart begins to tear away and hesitantly I respond "Who?" I wait for what feels like an eternity and no response comes. then a text from a different number comes in " Mama x has passed on" 

I could feel my feet sinking,my heart racing and tears flowing down my cheeks. My brain was silent...no thoughts just a numbing feeling in my chest.I felt like I swallowing rocks. I come back to reality in about 2mins. My friend has lost her mum the person she picks her phone and calls when she's happy,sad,frustrated or about to take a big decision. I don't recall a single conversation we have had and she has not mentioned her mother...this two had a strong bond one I desired... I was feeling low and frustrated I had someone to call but I decided not to call. In fact it has become a bad habit..I think of someone and decide I will cal them some other time. I prayed for my friend's mum  when she first told me she had been taken ill. I checked in on her once in while to see how mum was doing but I did not visit her I did not call.... I was self absorbed in my small world of problems and I kept postponing my visit to her..I actually thought of her over the weekend but I only prayed for her, I did not call or text her... I was too engrossed in my problems I left her out. Today she has lost her best friend..her mama...her world....where was I? 

You know that feeling you had this morning? an awesome one or maybe a depressing one? did someone come to your mind ? did you call that person? did your friend reach out to you and said my dad is sick? my mum is sick? my baby is sick? after consoling them did you follow through? did you check on them? Right now our world in spite of our problems is perfect.It has not been fractured by death..we can still be there for someone. We call still make that call just say 'hello' Your problems will still be there for awhile and that person may only have today. get out of that bubble you are in right now. and just reach out. you could make a difference. My friend's mum is gone but my problems are still here. 

It took me awhile before I could call her but I eventually gathered the courage  to call my friend tears flowing down my cheeks. after our conversation I was glad I called. There is great comfort in knowing your mum is just a phone call away.. Don't take it for granted sometimes just call and say " good day Mum'' or that person you yearn to contact... stop waiting for a perfect opportunity to do so.. it may come when they are gone...

To my friend Keep mama's memories alive.Keep doing her proud and take heart she lives on in you. you are your mother's daughter and I see her signature allover you. I am here my friend now and always.