LIFE

He is smiling and welcoming people to his house but the sadness in his eyes betray him. If one is keen you shall notice how he zones away every few minutes he gets on his own. I sit there looking at him and for a few minutes wearing his shoes. Sometimes you just want to hide and stay away from the world because facing the world means wearing a plastic smile and shaking hands with people you would rather ignore...if only she was here and we're grieving someone else she would understand every emotion that he felt. She would make the pain bearable because she would comfort him even in silence. Beyond losing his significant other,he's lost his lover, his friend and the custodian of his heart. I hug him to console him and to remind him he's not alone, I feel how lifeless he is..

It is the morning of the funeral. We are all at the funeral home,some viewing the body and some staying away from the coffin. Here is where I spot him starring at the coffin from a distance as if  in denial. She was his reason for waking up and smiling ,thinking am one blessed man. I remember how he spoke of her when I first met him. How he always took great care of her,for him her happiness was key. Now he stands here looking at her lifeless body and I can almost imagine what he is thinking. We are leaving for church and an elderly lady signals to her car. We hitch a ride with her and when she spoke my tummy churned. I felt like she was talking to younger and older me.

"I am so sad that we have lost such a young life. I feel very emotional about it. This young girl was wonderful and loved truly by her husband. Many did not understand her but she knew that the world understating you will mean loosing yourself and the things and people that count. She knew this no doubt. I tell my daughter at thirty she's got no time to fool around and live like there no tomorrow. I tell her this is the time to focus on what's good for her,what's good for her home and to reconnect with God. It is time you stop stumbling on things from your past. huwezi ukategwa na mambo  yalopita ila kwa hiari yako. Wajifunza na wazika kisha wandelea ukiwa a better person. ( you can not trip over something that is in your past unless you allow it to trip you. You learn from your past and bury it and move on a better person). I tell her friendships can break or make you and this point death can rob you of many things. You young women need to stop postponing your happiness,dreams and goals over clicks and misguided notions. Be practical,pray,practise and be patient. If you just idle gossipping, chasing men and drinking all the wine you can then my darlings the joke is on you. You look pretty young don't get to thirty still waiting to see how your life plays out. Live it!" We exchanged glances with the other ladies in the car each one perhaps agreeing to some parts of her speech. For me I saw the grief in her as she tried to comprehend this sudden death and I heard the fear in her voice. The fear of loosing her daughter suddenly and having nothing but shoes and cars to show for her life. 

At the church so many people were gathered there. I could see the bereaved and the other category that had either come to confirm or to ridicule the dead. So many plastic smiles,so much curiosity..." "How much is that coffin?is she buried in her designer wear? " the busy bodies whispered away. At the graveside I was overcome by emotion from watching her family,her husband and her true friends crying in disbelief that she was no more... I fought tears but that battle was futile,I found my self chocked up by emotion,fear and grief. I replayed the kind ladies words in my head and then I saw the coffin being lowered into the ground....death is never welcome. Make sure to live everyday like it's your last..

In memory of Jaki. Eternal rest grant unto her o Lord.